Parenting

Both of my parents are planners. While growing up I remember my mother carefully managing the finances and meal plans while my father enjoyed mapping out family vacations and road trips. If budgeting finances, planning meals and mapping out vacations are important to the function of a family, shouldn’t a parenting plan and philosophy be even more useful? Of course, all parents will say that parenting is important and that you should think about your motivations for discipline. Most parents, however, do not take much time to reflect upon how their words and actions might be perceived by their child and neither do they consider if what they are requesting from their child is rational and backed by a wholesome purpose. Many times, we catch "how did my mother get into my larynx syndrome" and repeat the same way we were parented even if we don't agree with it. 
In class this week, we watched some video's from Michael Popkin's "Active Parenting" and learned some good tools as a parent of teenagers. These are the suggestions (in my own words) I found most helpful.

1. Practice family discussions. 
If there's a problem in your family, have you ever considered involving your children by asking them their opinion? I'm not saying you should divulge every personal detail with your kids but shouldn't they have a say about things which involve them? Not only do family councils show your children that you appreciate their opinions but you help them learn to stick up for themselves or voice a disagreement they might have-in a healthy way. ( We all know that teens are great at disagreeing.  They need this skill in order for them to stand up for their beliefs at school or turn down a harmful substance that's offered to them). It's good for them to practice having their own voice. What better place to do this than at home where you can be involved.

2. Limit the amount of criticisms. 
Come on. You know how this feels. It doesn't feel good to be criticized all the time. No one likes it. Why would your kids? When there is a major correction that needs to be made, your kids are more likely consider your correction if you aren't constantly putting them down. They need your support and guidance more than your correction and discipline. 

3. In a Remarried (Step) Family: New spouse should take on role as an "aunt/uncle" before the role as parent.
Not only is the divorce difficult for children but often times a "new" mom or dad will come into the picture to take on the missing parent role. It's very common for kids to dismiss and resent the newcomer. A helpful hint was for the new parent to take on the role of a fun aunt or uncle for a year or two and let the other parent handle the heavy discipline. This doesn't mean the new parent can't tell kids to put on their coat and shoes before going outside and such but the more serious issues should be left to the other parent. This helps the kids and the newcomer establish a positive relationship before any discipline begins. It's been practiced and kids respond much better this way and especially in the long run. "Put the Relationship first." -Thomas S. Monson.