The Importance of Father Involvement

Five Points Regarding the Presence of Fathers

            A goal for most parents is that their children will grow to be intelligent people who breeze their way through middle school, ace exams and ACT’s in high school, and get into prestigious colleges. The best chance of having these “educational outcomes” (Rosenberg & Wilcox, 2006, p.12) is when kids are raised by “involved, caring fathers” (Rosenberg & Wilcox, 2006, p.12 ). Not only do children with active fathers in the home have higher grades but “better verbal skills… intellectual functioning… patience.., and  can handle the stresses and frustrations associated with schooling more readily than children with less involved fathers” (Rosenberg & Wilcox, 2006, p.12 ).

            Psychologically, children have a lot of stressed placed on them. They feel pressure to exceed in all areas of their lives and are better off when taught how to deal with stress, handle their emotions, and avoid criminal behavior. For children with active fathers in the home, higher levels of “self-control…independence…physical and emotional health… and avoidance to drugs, violence, and delinquent behavior” (Rosenberg & Wilcox, 2006, p.13) are reported. Fathers tend to play more with their children than mothers. Playfulness helps children relieve the stress of the day as they rough house with dad.

            Children need to learn how to have proper social skills in various life settings. When children grow up with the interaction of a father they are “more sociable and popular with other children throughout early childhood… are more comfortable exploring the world around them and are more likely to exhibit …pro-social behavior” (Rosenberg & Wilcox, 2006, p.13). Not only do young children show benefits from having active fathers but “as they grow older, have… better social connections with peers” (Rosenberg & Wilcox, 2006, p.12). Having an involved father in the home helps children feel more comfortable and be able to interact with those around them in a healthy way. 

            A father’s role in the home includes protecting his children and spouse from harm, abuse, and maltreatment from within and outside of the family. When a father is involved with the caring for and nurturing of the children, there are “lower levels of child neglect” (Rosenberg & Wilcox, 2006, p.16) mainly because his involvement “reduces the parenting and housework load a mother has to bear and increases the overall parental investments in family life, thereby minimizing the chances that either parent will neglect to care for or to supervise their children” (Rosenberg & Wilcox, 2006, p.16). It is also important for children to live with their biological, married parents. For these children, they are “significantly less likely to be physically abused, sexually abused, or neglected” compared to “children who do not live with their married biological parents” (Rosenberg & Wilcox, 2006, pgs.16-17).

There is a great deal of stress placed upon a mother when the father is absent. Because of this, “mothers are almost twice as likely to be directly involved in child maltreatment as fathers” (Rosenberg & Wilcox, 2006, p.16) mainly because they are left with a huge responsibility as they lead the family home by themselves. When a father is present and active in the home, the daily tasks and responsibilities can be shared between the adults and the risk of maltreatment decreases. Children benefit considerably from the presence of a father in the home. 

                                                            Work Cited

Rosenberg, J. & Wilcox, W. B. (2006). The Importance of Fathers in the Healthy Development of Children. Retrieved from: http://www.childwelfare.gov/pubs/usermanuals/fatherhood/fatherhood .pdf

Challenge to communication & Listening Skills

This weeks class has been about the challenge to communicate, particularly within a marriage. I have heard, repeated times, that if you can learn to communicate by being straightforward and completely honest with your spouse then you will be better off. But, is being brutally honest the key? My teacher has presented research that shows maybe how you encode (put your thoughts into words) might not be as important as decoding (taking someone's words and forming your own thoughts about what they mean). What research is saying is that we should not simply say what's on our minds all the time or become brutally honest but instead focus more on interpreting and decoding what others are saying. For instance, you should try not to jump to conclusions when someone is talking. Give them the benefit of the doubt, listen, and try to really understand what they are saying and feeling. Many times, "the feelings you intend to communicate are interpreted by the other and may or may not be perceived correctly" (Lauer, 2009, p. 198).  The book quotes psychiatrist Karl Menninger who stated, "I believe listening to be one of the most powerful and influential techniques of human intercourse." To continue on with this subject of listening, the book states a few ways you can improve your listening skills:

1. Be an active listener. "You have to look at your partner and concentrate on what he or she is saying" (Lauer, 2009, p.201).

2.  "Resist distractions...[and] consciously decide to put aside the distractions for a while and focus on what your partner is saying" (Lauer, 2009, p. 201).

3. Don't interrupt. "Control your tendency to respond before your partner is finished." Instead of formulating a reply in your head, "hear your partner out completely." (Lauer, 2009, p.201)

4. Receive "clarification" by "ask[ing] questions [and] rephrasing what the other has said [as to] check for accuracy, check for feelings, or simply to show interest and understanding" (Lauer, 2009, p.201).

5. "You can enhance your listening skills by practicing with everyone" (Lauer, 2009, p.202). The more you use good listening skills, the easier it will become!

I admit that I need to be a better listener and have more understanding when decoding others' messages. These are great tips to becoming a mindful listener!


References


Lauer, R.H., & Lauer, J.C. (2009). Marriage & Family:The Quest for Intimacy. New York, NY.  McGraw Hill.

Effective Coping for Families

This weeks discussion has been about Family Crises and how to effectively cope with any struggles you might encounter in a family. The book (Marriage & Family The Quest For Intimacy, Robert H. Lauer, Jeanette C. Lauer, 8th edition) discusses a type of family that is most likely to respond to a crisis with strength and can actually result from a crisis with higher maturity and growth. It is called the resilient family. This family "can resist disruption in the face of change and cope effectively with crises." Here is a list of strengths that make a family resilient:

• accord, or relationships that foster problem-solving and manage conflict well.
• celebrations, including birthdays, religious days, and other special events.
• communication, including both beliefs and emotions
• good financial management
• hardiness, which includes commitment to the family, the belief that family members have control over their lives, and a sense that the family can deal with all changes.
• health, both physical and emotional.
• shared leisure activities.
• acceptance of each member's personality and behaviors.
• a social support network of relatives and friends
• sharing routines such as family meals and chores
• traditions that carry over from one generation to another. 

Your family can better deal with problems effectively and hopefully even improve through difficult circumstances as you develop these strengths. Another effective coping tool the book discusses is to "take responsibility for yourself and for you family." Instead of accusing your father of not having any worthwhile training or skills and that's why he lost his jobs, observe the reality of your situation, come up with resources your family has, view this as an opportunity for your family to grow and work together, encourage your father (or spouse) in whatever employment field he desires, and BELIEVE that your family can endure hard things and difficult situations.  "Remind yourself that you and your family are people with strengths and the capacity to cope effectively."

Mandatory sex education classes in NYC

After this weeks class discussions, I have started to think more seriously about home schooling my children. This article discusses sex education in the NYC public school system. http://www.nbcnewyork.com/news/local/mandatory-sex-ed-curriculum-new-york-city-public-schools-132404248.html?dr

I think it is the parent's responsibility to discuss sexuality with their children. Children mature at different levels and parents know their children better than anyone else. Some might be ready to have "the talk" at younger ages than others and the state should have no say in the matter. I think it would be a much smarter idea to teach  about healthy relationships  in school rather than mandatory sex education classes. Kids should know how to have crushes, boyfriends, and girlfriends without experimenting with sex.